alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
