I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Randomize
