That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
