Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Randomize
