my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
