shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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