Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
