I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
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Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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