Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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