He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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