Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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