no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
