Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
