I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
