I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
