I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
