considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
