I'm really into asian looking animals
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
