Christians are straight up FREAKS
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
