The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
