new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize