DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
