he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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