Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
