Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
