Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
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The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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