The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
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