his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
