U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
