My friends, they love my intelligence
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
