I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
