ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
