I am in a vortex of obligation.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
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