just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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