I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
