if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
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