I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
