I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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