Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
