it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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