Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
