You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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