By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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