if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
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Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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