Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
