I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
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