OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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