Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
