Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
