p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I just cut my nipple shaving
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
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