I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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