Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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