If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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