As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout