Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
