There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.