I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
