I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
