my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
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Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
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Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?