So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void