Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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