handjob tips. give me some.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
