i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
The air was thick with penises
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
