the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Randomize
