Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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