I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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