just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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