i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
