Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
