Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
