cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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