remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
