Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
