he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
