So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
